March 31, 2004

Eternal Sunshine of the Liberated Mind

Well I did it. I finally gave notice at my work that I will be leaving for grad school in Santa Barbara at the end of April. They were sad, especially a couple of my supervisors...the room got all heavy and silent when I dropped the bomb. But they're all impressed and happy for me and they wished me all kinds of good things. All of a sudden everything feels really *real*. This is actually happening, I'm leaving, moving on to better things and a new life. I feel as though I'm on the threshold of something entirely new and exciting...and BIG. The past few weeks have been a real emotional roller coaster for me, but now I've reached a point where I'm just really...HAPPY. I still have a lot to work towards but I'm at a good spot in my life and I feel good about all the decisions I've made recently.

...of course, I could change my mind once I actually get involved in government.
On that note, here's a tidbit for your enjoyment:

New Element Discovered

A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest chemical element yet known to science.  The new element has been tentatively named "Governmentium".  Governmentium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 11 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.  Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert.

However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.  A minute amount of Governmentium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would normally take less than a second.

GOVERNMENTIUM has a normal half-life of four years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium's mass  will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration.  This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass." You will know it when you see it.

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium - an element which radiates just as much energy since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

Posted by at March 31, 2004 05:06 PM

That is bloody brilliant. If Chemistry had actually been that hilarious, I might have actually passed it! ;-)

Posted by: Clint on March 31, 2004 05:12 PM

I have to agree with Clint, that is in fact fucking brilliant. Congratulations on getting into grad school!!! You should have Nuala make you a celebratory dinner when you get back to Santa Barbara :)

Posted by: Adrienne on April 1, 2004 12:38 PM

thanks! here's to me becoming a peon!
i'm all about celebratory dinners...nuala, can we do your chicken-salad with soy-vay? that was so yummy!

Posted by: jade on April 1, 2004 01:23 PM

Chicken salad it is. When? When you move?

Posted by: nuala on April 1, 2004 04:12 PM

sounds perfect. that'll make it all official.

Posted by: jade on April 1, 2004 04:40 PM