April 30, 2004

With One Foot On The Platform And The Other On The Train

This is my final two hours at my job. Tonight I am packing and hightailing it to Santa Barbara where I will begin a new life as a graduate student. Instead of the smell of magazines fresh from the press and supermarket coffee, I will enter a world smelling delightfully of musty old books and cappuccinos. Instead of getting in my car and watching the blink of taillights and stoplights on my journey to work, I will get on a bike and pedal my way to school. Conversations and predictions for The Bachelor and Friends will be replaced by dialogues and seminars on global organization and nuclear proliferation. Favorite clients will be replaced by esteemed colleagues and my salary will be replaced by fellowships and grants. Instead of dining at Gypsey Den and the Yard House I'll be grabbing lunch at Silvergreens and Freebirds. The smell of files and ink will be replaced by pot and beer.

A gentle bittersweetness has settled on my heart as I float dreamily through this surreal day. I had been so excited and so focused on this new direction in my life and the beginning of what promises to be an exciting and challenging journey, that it didn't hit me until now what wonderful people I will be leaving behind and will honestly miss when I go. As beautiful and kind wishes and gifts come filtering in, I find myself reflecting on the relationships I have been a part of here. So many people here have made a positive influence on my life and this company is one which truly inspires loyalty. I honestly hope I cross paths with them again one day.

Oh God. I'm going to be Dr. Jade.

Posted by at 03:14 PM

April 13, 2004

Ladies of Days Gone By

Ladies of days gone by: If a lady accidentally over-salts a dish while 
it's still cooking, she drops in a peeled potato and it absorbs the excess
Salt for an instant "fix-me-up." 
Women of today: If you over-salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too 
damn bad. Please recite with me, The Real Women's motto: "I made it and 
you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes." 
Ladies of days gone by: Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half 
and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away. 
Women of today: Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink. You 
might still have the headache, but who cares? 
Ladies of days gone by: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a 
sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips. 
Women of today: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for
Pete's sake. You are probably lying on the couch, with your feet up, 
eating it anyway. 
Ladies of days gone by: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in 
the bag with the potatoes. 
Women of today: Buy boxed mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for 
up to a year. 
Ladies of days gone by: When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking 
pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white 
mess on the outside of the cake. 
Women of today: Go to the bakery -- they'll even decorate it for you. 
Ladies of days gone by: Brush some beaten egg white over piecrust before 
baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish. 
Women of today: Sara Lee frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg
whites over the crust, so I just don't do it. 
Ladies of days gone by: If you have a problem opening jars, try using 
latex dish washing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening 
jars easy. 
Women of today: Go ask the very cute neighbor guy to do it. 
And finally the most important tip.... 
And my personal favorite-- 
Ladies of days gone by: Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze 
into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces. 
Women of today: Leftover wine?? 
A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend will
be sitting next to you saying, "Damn...that was fun!" 

Posted by at 11:18 AM

April 12, 2004

Road Rage

Can I just say that some people are absolute assholes?

I just about got killed on the highway by some macho asshole who apparently had nothing better to do with his time than try to piss me off.

I was driving about 70 in the fast lane during the tail-end of rush hour traffic, when this butt-hole in the carpool lane crosses the double yellow line to merge into my lane, with about 3 inches to spare between his rear fender and the front of my car. So I brake and honk my horn at him and he has the audacity to flip me off! Then he starts driving slowly so I try to pass him and what does he do? He cuts me off again. So then I try to move back into the fast lane and the fucker cuts me off AGAIN. By this time I've figured he's not just dumb, he's actually trying to piss me off. So I wait for a car in the next lane to pass me and come even to him so I can try to get around him without letting him in, but it didn't work. He still cut me off! By now I'm just about livid. So I waited until the lanes on both sides were clear, I turned on my right blinker and as he moved into the right lane and I quickly moved into the left and took off so he couldn't catch up. Bastard.

Whew. I'm not normally such a bitch on the road, but this guy pissed me off and all I wanted to do was get away from him.

Posted by at 06:32 PM

April 05, 2004

An Oxy*moron*

I visited Santa Barbara this weekend and had such a lovely weekend that I procrastinated making the journey back home until almost 10 pm. This morning I dragged my lazy bum out of bed to go to work, and started wishing I was back in Santa Barbara. But it wasn't until I was on the road that I really wanted to get the hell out of Dodge (aka Orange County). I got stuck behind this monster SUV with a license plate that read:


Quoi? Just *how* exactly does that work? Probably about as well as waging war & ousting governments to promote peace & democracy.
No sooner than I had finished this line of thinking, I saw another car with a bumper sticker that read:


...I give up.

Posted by at 03:47 PM