February 27, 2003

News From Above

God Quietly Phasing Holy Ghost Out Of Trinity

HEAVEN—Calling the Holy Trinity "overstaffed and over budget," God announced plans Monday to downsize the group by slowly phasing out the Holy Ghost. "Given the poor economic climate and the unclear nature of the Holy Ghost's duties, I felt this was a sensible and necessary decision," God said. "The Holy Ghost will be given fewer and fewer responsibilities until His formal resignation from Trinity duty following Easter services on April 20. Thereafter, the Father and the Son shall be referred to as the Holy Duo."

In other news...Mr. Rogers of "Mr. Rogers Neighborhood" has passed away at the age of 74. On behalf of all my fellow public TV for children fans, I'd like to say: We will always be....your neighbor.

Posted by at 08:36 AM

February 25, 2003

Secret Addictions

They say the first steps to recovery are denial, then acceptance. Well I may have moved past denial...but I'm not quite to acceptance yet. My name is Jade...and I have...(big breath)...an addiction to romance novels.
Why does it seem perfectly normal to enjoy dramas and romances on television and in movies, but reading romance novels bears a slight stigma of shame? I feel compelled to hide the front covers when I read them in front of anyone else. I keep my rather extensive Nora Roberts collection tucked away, in a cupboard on a bookcase, down the stairs, in my garage where no one but me sets foot. When I'm in the romance section in bookstores, I glance briefly at the titles, grab one and run. Today I bought Kurt Vonnegut's "Breakfast of Champions" and Nora Roberts' "Table for Two" (as I have eclectic tastes in literary diversions) and I kept the Vonnegut book on top to hide the steamy, scandalous Roberts' book from view.
I read romance novels with almost the same frequency as I read Austen, JK Rowling, Dumas, Kafka, Oates, Dante and Daniel Quinn, but I only admit this to my closest friends. I still skulk around hiding my books and burn with embarrasment anytime I'm caught with one. But hopefully through this session I may one day learn to recover...Well. I have no hope of recovering from my addiction to romance...but maybe I'll stop feeling so damn stupid about it.

Posted by at 02:00 PM

February 21, 2003


By US Senator Robert Byrd
Senate Floor Speech - Wednesday, February 12, 2003
To contemplate war is to think about the most horrible of human experiences. On this February day, as this nation stands at the brink of battle, every American on some level must be contemplating the horrors of war.
Yet, this Chamber is, for the most part, silent -- ominously, dreadfully silent. There is no debate, no discussion, no attempt to lay out for the nation the pros and cons of this particular war. There is nothing.
We stand passively mute in the United States Senate, paralyzed by our own uncertainty, seemingly stunned by the sheer turmoil of events. Only on the editorial pages of our newspapers is there much substantive discussion of the prudence or imprudence of engaging in this particular war.
And this is no small conflagration we contemplate. This is no simple attempt to defang a villain. No. This coming battle, if it materializes, represents turning point in U.S. foreign policy and possibly a turning point in the recent history of the world.
This nation is about to embark upon the first test of a revolutionary doctrine applied in an extraordinary way at an unfortunate time. The doctrine of preemption -- the idea that the United States or any other nation can legitimately attack a nation that is not imminently threatening but may be threatening in the future -- is a radical new twist on the traditional idea of self defense. It appears to be in contravention of international law and the UN Charter. And it is being tested at a time of world-wide terrorism, making many countries around the globe wonder if they will soon be on our -- or some other nation's -- hit list. High level Administration figures recently refused to take nuclear weapons off of the table when discussing a possible attack against Iraq. What could be more destabilizing and unwise than this type of uncertainty, particularly in a world where globalism has tied the vital economic and security interests of many nations so closely together? There are huge cracks emerging in our time-honored alliances, and U.S. intentions are suddenly subject to damaging worldwide speculation. Anti-Americanism based on mistrust, misinformation, suspicion, and alarming rhetoric from U.S. leaders is fracturing the once solid alliance against global terrorism which existed after September 11.
Here at home, people are warned of imminent terrorist attacks with little guidance as to when or where such attacks might occur. Family members are being called to active military duty, with no idea of the duration of their stay or what horrors they may face. Communities are being left with less than adequate police and fire protection. Other essential services are also short-staffed. The mood of the nation is grim. The economy is stumbling. Fuel prices are rising and may soon spike higher.
This Administration, now in power for a little over two years, must be judged on its record. I believe that that record is dismal.
In that scant two years, this Administration has squandered a large projected surplus of some $5.6 trillion over the next decade and taken us to projected deficits as far as the eye can see. This Administration's domestic policy has put many of our states in dire financial condition, under funding scores of essential programs for our people. This Administration has fostered policies which have slowed economic growth. This Administration has ignored urgent matters such as the crisis in health care for our elderly. This Administration has been slow to provide adequate funding for homeland security. This Administration has been reluctant to better protect our long and porous borders.
In foreign policy, this Administration has failed to find Osama bin Laden. In fact, just yesterday we heard from him again marshaling his forces and urging them to kill. This Administration has split traditional alliances, possibly crippling, for all time, International order-keeping entities like the United Nations and NATO. This Administration has called into question the traditional worldwide perception of the United States as well-intentioned, peacekeeper. This Administration has turned the patient art of diplomacy into threats, labeling, and name calling of the sort that reflects quite poorly on the intelligence and sensitivity of our leaders, and which will have consequences for years to come.
Calling heads of state pygmies, labeling whole countries as evil, denigrating powerful European allies as irrelevant -- these types of crude insensitivities can do our great nation no good. We may have massive military might, but we cannot fight a global war on terrorism alone. We need the cooperation and friendship of our time-honored allies as well as the newer found friends whom we can attract with our wealth. Our awesome military machine will do us little good if we suffer another devastating attack on our homeland which severely damages our economy. Our military manpower is already stretched thin and we will need the augmenting support of those nations who can supply troop strength, not just sign letters cheering us on.
The war in Afghanistan has cost us $37 billion so far, yet there is evidence that terrorism may already be starting to regain its hold in that region. We have not found bin Laden, and unless we secure the peace in Afghanistan, the dark dens of terrorism may yet again flourish in that remote and devastated land.
Pakistan as well is at risk of destabilizing forces. This Administration has not finished the first war against terrorism and yet it is eager to embark on another conflict with perils much greater than those in Afghanistan. Is our attention span that short? Have we not learned that after winning the war one must always secure the peace?
And yet we hear little about the aftermath of war in Iraq. In the absence of plans, speculation abroad is rife. Will we seize Iraq's oil fields, becoming an occupying power which controls the price and supply of that nation's oil for the foreseeable future? To whom do we propose to hand the reigns of power after Saddam Hussein? Will our war inflame the Muslim world resulting in devastating attacks on Israel? Will Israel retaliate with its own nuclear arsenal? Will the Jordanian and Saudi Arabian governments be toppled by radicals, bolstered by Iran which has much closer ties to terrorism than Iraq? Could a disruption of the world's oil supply lead to a world-wide recession? Has our senselessly bellicose language and our callous disregard of the interests and opinions of other nations increased the global race to join the nuclear club and made proliferation an even more lucrative practice for nations which need the income?
In only the space of two short years this reckless and arrogant Administration has initiated policies which may reap disastrous consequences for years. One can understand the anger and shock of any President after the savage attacks of September 11. One can appreciate the frustration of having only a shadow to chase and an amorphous, fleeting enemy on which it is nearly impossible to exact retribution. But to turn one's frustration and anger into the kind of extremely destabilizing and dangerous foreign policy debacle that the world is
currently witnessing is inexcusable from any Administration charged with the awesome power and responsibility of guiding the destiny of the greatest superpower on the planet. Frankly many of the pronouncements made by this Administration are outrageous. There is no other word.
Yet this chamber is hauntingly silent. On what is possibly the eve of horrific infliction of death and destruction on the population of the nation of Iraq -- a population, I might add, of which over 50% is under age 15 -- this chamber is silent. On what is possibly only days before we send thousands of our own citizens to face unimagined horrors of chemical and biological warfare -- this chamber is silent. On the eve of what could possibly be a vicious terrorist attack in retaliation for our attack on Iraq, it is business as usual in the United States Senate.
We are truly "sleepwalking through history." In my heart of hearts I pray that this great nation and its good and trusting citizens are not in for a rudest of awakenings. To engage in war is always to pick a wild card. And war must always be a last resort, not a first choice. I truly must question the judgment of any President who can say that a massive unprovoked military attack on a nation which is over 50% children is "in the highest moral traditions of our country". This war is not necessary at this time. Pressure appears to be having a good result in Iraq. Our mistake was to put ourselves in a corner so quickly. Our challenge is to now find a graceful way out of a box of our own making. Perhaps there is still a way if we allow more time.

Posted by at 01:55 PM

Good Luck To Nuala!

Good luck on your interview tomorrow at UCSB!! I'll be thinking about you! I'm sure they'll see how dedicated and brilliant you are so they will think it a travesty to not have you as part of their program. Good luck escaping the horrors of your current job and I hope you find happiness in teaching.

Posted by at 09:20 AM

February 19, 2003

Some Minor Changes

I've tweaked some colors and fonts and minor little headings...what do you guys think? Better?

Posted by at 03:35 PM

February 14, 2003

Beans About Coffee

I heard an advertisement for UPN Channel 13 News doing a special report about kids and coffee. Apparently, by allowing kids to drink coffee, parents are subjecting their children to the dangers of addiction. This breaking news report is all about how the caffeine in coffee can lead to a lifetime of addiction! And they complemented the report with soundbytes of kids saying things like "I love coffee...I drink it all the time."
Who, may I ask, is doing this report? Mormons?? What are they talking about?? I drink coffee all the time! I don't have an addiction!! (twitch twitch) Caffeine's addictive?! No I'm not having convulsions...I'm normally hyper! I don't know what they're talking about. (twitch twitch) Really. Nu-uh. Nope. No addiction here. Nope. Caffeine's addictive? Who ever heard of that? What twitch?

Posted by at 10:29 AM

February 13, 2003

Want To Work For This Company?

Can you imagine working for a company that has a little more than 500 employees and has the following statistics:

* 29 have been accused of spousal abuse
* 7 have been arrested for fraud
* 19 have been accused of writing bad checks
* 117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses
* 3 have done time for assault
* 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
* 14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
* 8 have been arrested for shoplifting
* 21 are currently defendants in lawsuits
* 84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year

Can you guess which organization this is?

Give up yet?

It's the 535 members of the United States Congress. The same group of bozos that crank out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in line.

Posted by at 05:15 PM

Bastard Slacker Clients

Grr!! What is with my clients??! Tomorrow is the deadline to get all ad materials in (and if I don't get them all in by 5, I don't get Monday off....and I desperately need to get Monday off, whatwith moving and Toby coming down Sunday night), but my clients just aren't turning in their materials!! They just keep saying, "yeah, we'll get it in today...". Lying Bastards. Or worse, they're being completely unreachable so I can't even be lied to about when they're getting their stuff in. And on top of it all, normally I don't even bother to bring a lunch because I usually work 8 to 6 straight, no time for break...but today I'm absolutely starving, but I can't leave cuz I don't want to miss any potential calls from any client who may be so kind as to deign to talk to me...won't someone bring me lunch?....
Ok. Done ranting. Back to work for me.

Posted by at 12:12 PM

February 11, 2003

Drunk Girl, Invisible Doors...

So I went out for dinner with a bunch of friends from work. We went to Spice Thai, my parents' restaurant and had a few beers with dinner. Then afterwards I wanted to take them all over to see my new townhouse I just bought because it's only a few minutes away and I'm all excited about it.
So we get there, and I'm giving them the royal tour, taking them from room to room etc. And I take them into my bedroom where there's a sliding glass door that leads to a private patio. So I go to open the sliding glass door and I'm like "And here! Look at the great view!"...and I walked right smack! into the screen door.

Classic. I'll never live this one down. But it's ok cuz it cracks me up too.

Posted by at 09:13 PM

February 10, 2003

Leaping Lobsters

I was driving to work today, listening to KROQ with Kevin & Bean in the morning...a pretty damn hilarious show that entertains me for the 45 mins it takes to get to work. And they had caught wind of an advertising campaign that Rubio's Mexican Bar & Grill is doing promoting a slew of new fancy lobster dishes, with the slogan being "Livin' La Vida Lobster". So they got the president & CEO on the phone and teased him a bit about his corny and outdated slogan and ran by a few of their more "timely" ideas by him, some of which included:
1) Got Lobster?
2) Who let the lobster out? Woof! Woof!
3) Frankly, Lobster, I don't give a damn.
4) Dude, Where's My Lobster? **my personal favorite
5) Lord of the Lobster: The Two Tails
So I thought I might try a few:
1) Obey your Lobster
2) Bravelobster
3) About Lobster
4) Lobster, you had me at hello.
Alright...so maybe it's a little too early in the morning to come up with anything brilliant. I did manage to entertain myself for almost half an hour though!

Posted by at 08:44 AM

February 07, 2003

Show Me The Money!

I've always thought that those academics who keep touting that the media is not biased were all a bunch of nutters, but this on-going obsession with promoting Bush and the war really got me to thinking. I mean, how could anyone paying attention to anything think any of this is a good idea? Especially with half the rest of the world (Tony Blair notwithstanding) against it and every other country thinking America is filled with war-mongering lunatics and selfish crybabies. Yet this is entirely not the case. A significant portion of America is against this war, despite what the media decides to portray. There has been more anti-war sentiment in America and more demonstrations than there ever has been since Vietnam (and look what a mistake that war was...). But why isn't the media covering this? Or giving it the same proportions as Bush's little heroic speeches. For example, we keep getting sound bytes from Bush demanding action against a stubborn tyrant (and it takes me a second to remember he's not speaking of himself....) who gasses his own people. Well, the incident he's refering to is when Saddam gassed the Kurds in 1988. And what was the US's part in this? We supplied Saddam with helicoptors to enable him to do this. And all these chemical weapons Saddam is supposedly hiding...does anyone ask where he got the supplies for them? The US. Our big industries have been supplying him with the chemical components for these weapons for years. And we're not the only ones. France, England, Germany, Russia, China...they've all been involved. And it's no secret either. It was public knowledge when it was happening. The question is: why isn't it being talked of NOW? Bush's motives for promoting the war are a topic for another entry (though I will say it probably has a lot to do with hiding his inefficacy in finding Osama bin Laden and is why he keeps linking the two unrelated subjects together), but why is the media promoting it? For instance, after Bush's State of the Union address last week, all the reporters on CNN (CNN! mind you) could say was how presidential and powerful he seemed, and spent an hour discussing just what percentage of his speech he spent on taxes and what percentage on war. Meanwhile, Gary Locke delivered an excellent response from the Democratic Party, and all the reporters had to say about it was how it just didn't have the "oomph" of a presidential speech before Congress. Well I've come to realize that despite appearances, no, the media does not have a political agenda. But it does have a money-making agenda. And a war is guaranteed money. Money and ratings. With technology allowing footage of the war as it happens, people will be glued to their sets just like we were with Desert Storm, and picking up their newspapers every day to catch the latest news. Simple. No conspiracy, no politics. Just money. They don't care that Bush is trying to make himself look powerful and like he's doing something about the war on terror, when he's abandoned bin Laden completely to finish off a war his daddy couldn't win. They only want the money.

Posted by at 08:37 AM

February 05, 2003

YAY A Site For Me

I have finally joined the ranks of Club BAWP (Bored At Work Peoples)! Although I still can't figure out how to get it the style I want, at least I am starting my entries. Eventually I'll get it!
Meanwhile, since I have been so engrossed in this matter, I've realized it's suddenly noon and I haven't gotten ANY work done. Go me!!
This is so exciting! Once I get my template all figured out, I set up my links and stuff and then I can start regaling you all with my own stories and ramblings to entertain everyone else avoiding the tedium of the daily grind.
Okay, so now that I have blown half a day, I really should get back to work. just wait and see, though. In about fifteen minutes I'll be on the Internet again. :)

Posted by at 12:27 PM