The Chinaman Is Not The Issue

From A Marine

LETTER FROM A WEST VIRGINIA FARM KID, NOW AT PARIS ISLAND MARINE
CORPS RECRUIT DEPOT

Dear Ma and Pa:

I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minchby a mile. Tell them to join up quick before maybe all of the places are filled. I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m., but am getting so I like to sleep late.

Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing. Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water.

Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food. But tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit between two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you till noon, when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.

We go on "route" marches, which the Platoon Sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it is not my place to tell him different.

A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks. The country is nice, but awful flat. The Sergeant is like a schoolteacher. He nags some. The Capt. is like the school board. Majors and Colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.

This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals
for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move. And it ain't shooting at you, like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.

Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake. He joined up the same time as me. But I'm only 5'6" and 130 pounds and he's 6'8" and weighs near 300 pounds dry.

Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.

Your loving daughter,
Gail

Dear Diary

Today has been one of those days that make me truly miss life in college, and look ever so wistfully towards getting into grad school. As much of a recluse I can tend to be, I so thoroughly miss the support of my best friends and my boyfriend who are all in different cities hours away, and I miss being able to talk to them at the height of my emotion when I'm really thrilled or really worried or upset about something. I miss the interaction and their ability to make me laugh at myself and not take myself so seriously.
I have been at work for 10 hours straight now, going on only 3 hours of sleep. I was up until 2 in the morning talking to my roommate because she just got back together with her girlfriend and they're going through a difficult time but trying to make things work. Her girlfriend's parents are completely not cool with her being gay and so she's moving out and now needs a new place. I like her a lot and consider her to be very sweet and very dependable and am considering offering to amend the lease to allow them to live together. The deal I'd make with them would lower my roommate's rent, allow rent to be affordable for her girlfriend, and be very good for me because it would cut my out-of-pocket expenses on my mortgage roughly in half. However, I want to see how things go with them first, because historically they've had a really volatile relationship and I don't want to have to physically live with the consequences of their emotional roller coaster. So that ordeal kept me up late.
Then I had to be in at work at 7 am this morning to prepare for a 9 am meeting. The good news is, in the 2 hours I had to prepare I designed a new marketing initative that was approved by management right off the bat (which is basically unheard of in this company of people who like to fidget and ponder). But 4 magazines were on deadline today and I was scurrying around like crazy trying to catch up. One of my managers keeps handing me crap assignments even though she knows I'm running up against deadline, but of course, her priorities are always top priorities. The more I get done, the less she has to do so that she can leave early. (I am mentally gesticulating rudely at this.) But again, on the plus side, I had an impromptu meeting with the Producer of the OC Music Awards, and it all went off very well and I think we'll develop a good relationship as I help him with his ad campaign.
All in all, I suppose the day wasn't horrible. Just extremely hectic and my head hurts from lack of sleep. But I am having dinner at my parents' house tonight and perhaps with my mom's succulent home-cooked Thai cuisine, a nice white wine, and my dad's impossibly corny jokes, I can forget about the day and laugh at myself a bit.

Why do men die first?

This is a question that has gone unanswered for centuries ...... but, now we know.

If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race..... you're a male chauvinist.
If you stay home and do the housework.....you're a pansy.

If you work too hard.....there's never any time for her.
If you don't work enough.....you're a good-for-nothing bum.

If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay...this is exploitation.
If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay..... you should get off your lazy behind and find something better.

If you get a promotion ahead of her.....that is favoritism.
If she gets a job ahead of you......it's equal opportunity.

If you mention how nice she looks......it's sexual harassment.
If you keep quiet.....it's male indifference.

If you cry......you're a wimp.
If you don't........you're an insensitive bastard.

If you make a decision without consulting her.........you're a chauvinist.
If she makes a decision without consulting you......she's a liberated woman.

If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy....... that's domination.
If SHE asks you.....it's a favor.

If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear......you're a pervert.
If you don't.....you're gay.

If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape.......you're sexist.
If you don't.......you're unromantic.

If you try to keep yourself in shape........you're vain.
If you don't.........you're a slob.

If you buy her flowers.....you're after something.
If you don't....you're not thoughtful.

If you're proud of your achievements......you're full of yourself.
If you aren't......you're not ambitious.

If she has a headache.......she's tired.
If you have a headache......you don't love her anymore.

If you want it too often.........you're oversexed.
If you don't........there must be someone else.

Men die first because they want to.

Acceptable Excuses

My Poli Sci professor had just finished talking about a big paper we have due in class. He emphasized that this paper was an absolute requirement for passing his class, and that there would be only two acceptable excuses for being late. Those were either a medically certifiable illness or a death in the student's immediate family. A smart ass student in the back of the classroom waved his hand and said: "But what about extreme sexual exhaustion, professor?" Of course, we all exploded in laughter. When everyone had finally settled down, our professor just glared at the guy and said: "Well, I guess you'll just have to learn to write with your other hand."

Hippie Me At Halloween

This is how I showed up at work...walking around scaring all the Republicans.