With One Foot On The Platform And The Other On The Train

This is my final two hours at my job. Tonight I am packing and hightailing it to Santa Barbara where I will begin a new life as a graduate student. Instead of the smell of magazines fresh from the press and supermarket coffee, I will enter a world smelling delightfully of musty old books and cappuccinos. Instead of getting in my car and watching the blink of taillights and stoplights on my journey to work, I will get on a bike and pedal my way to school. Conversations and predictions for The Bachelor and Friends will be replaced by dialogues and seminars on global organization and nuclear proliferation. Favorite clients will be replaced by esteemed colleagues and my salary will be replaced by fellowships and grants. Instead of dining at Gypsey Den and the Yard House I'll be grabbing lunch at Silvergreens and Freebirds. The smell of files and ink will be replaced by pot and beer.

A gentle bittersweetness has settled on my heart as I float dreamily through this surreal day. I had been so excited and so focused on this new direction in my life and the beginning of what promises to be an exciting and challenging journey, that it didn't hit me until now what wonderful people I will be leaving behind and will honestly miss when I go. As beautiful and kind wishes and gifts come filtering in, I find myself reflecting on the relationships I have been a part of here. So many people here have made a positive influence on my life and this company is one which truly inspires loyalty. I honestly hope I cross paths with them again one day.

Oh God. I'm going to be Dr. Jade.

Ladies of Days Gone By

Ladies of days gone by: If a lady accidentally over-salts a dish while 
it's still cooking, she drops in a peeled potato and it absorbs the excess
Salt for an instant "fix-me-up." 
Women of today: If you over-salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too 
damn bad. Please recite with me, The Real Women's motto: "I made it and 
you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes." 
 
 
Ladies of days gone by: Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half 
and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away. 
Women of today: Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink. You 
might still have the headache, but who cares? 
 
 
Ladies of days gone by: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a 
sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips. 
Women of today: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for
Pete's sake. You are probably lying on the couch, with your feet up, 
eating it anyway. 
 
 
Ladies of days gone by: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in 
the bag with the potatoes. 
Women of today: Buy boxed mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for 
up to a year. 
 
 
Ladies of days gone by: When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking 
pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white 
mess on the outside of the cake. 
Women of today: Go to the bakery -- they'll even decorate it for you. 
 
 
Ladies of days gone by: Brush some beaten egg white over piecrust before 
baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish. 
Women of today: Sara Lee frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg
whites over the crust, so I just don't do it. 
 
 
Ladies of days gone by: If you have a problem opening jars, try using 
latex dish washing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening 
jars easy. 
Women of today: Go ask the very cute neighbor guy to do it. 
 
And finally the most important tip.... 
 
And my personal favorite-- 
 
Ladies of days gone by: Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze 
into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces. 
Women of today: Leftover wine?? 
 
A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend will
be sitting next to you saying, "Damn...that was fun!" 

Road Rage

Can I just say that some people are absolute assholes?

I just about got killed on the highway by some macho asshole who apparently had nothing better to do with his time than try to piss me off.

I was driving about 70 in the fast lane during the tail-end of rush hour traffic, when this butt-hole in the carpool lane crosses the double yellow line to merge into my lane, with about 3 inches to spare between his rear fender and the front of my car. So I brake and honk my horn at him and he has the audacity to flip me off! Then he starts driving slowly so I try to pass him and what does he do? He cuts me off again. So then I try to move back into the fast lane and the fucker cuts me off AGAIN. By this time I've figured he's not just dumb, he's actually trying to piss me off. So I wait for a car in the next lane to pass me and come even to him so I can try to get around him without letting him in, but it didn't work. He still cut me off! By now I'm just about livid. So I waited until the lanes on both sides were clear, I turned on my right blinker and as he moved into the right lane and I quickly moved into the left and took off so he couldn't catch up. Bastard.

Whew. I'm not normally such a bitch on the road, but this guy pissed me off and all I wanted to do was get away from him.

An Oxy*moron*

I visited Santa Barbara this weekend and had such a lovely weekend that I procrastinated making the journey back home until almost 10 pm. This morning I dragged my lazy bum out of bed to go to work, and started wishing I was back in Santa Barbara. But it wasn't until I was on the road that I really wanted to get the hell out of Dodge (aka Orange County). I got stuck behind this monster SUV with a license plate that read:

NRA 4 LIF

Quoi? Just *how* exactly does that work? Probably about as well as waging war & ousting governments to promote peace & democracy.
No sooner than I had finished this line of thinking, I saw another car with a bumper sticker that read:

GIVE WAR A CHANCE

...I give up.

Eternal Sunshine of the Liberated Mind

Well I did it. I finally gave notice at my work that I will be leaving for grad school in Santa Barbara at the end of April. They were sad, especially a couple of my supervisors...the room got all heavy and silent when I dropped the bomb. But they're all impressed and happy for me and they wished me all kinds of good things. All of a sudden everything feels really *real*. This is actually happening, I'm leaving, moving on to better things and a new life. I feel as though I'm on the threshold of something entirely new and exciting...and BIG. The past few weeks have been a real emotional roller coaster for me, but now I've reached a point where I'm just really...HAPPY. I still have a lot to work towards but I'm at a good spot in my life and I feel good about all the decisions I've made recently.

...of course, I could change my mind once I actually get involved in government.
On that note, here's a tidbit for your enjoyment:

New Element Discovered

A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest chemical element yet known to science.  The new element has been tentatively named "Governmentium".  Governmentium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 11 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.  Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert.

However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.  A minute amount of Governmentium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would normally take less than a second.

GOVERNMENTIUM has a normal half-life of four years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium's mass  will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration.  This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass." You will know it when you see it.

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium - an element which radiates just as much energy since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

Attention Movie Buffs!

OK, who is the biggest movie buff???
You think you are a movie buff? Try this! It's really hard!!
Look at the pics in the excel file and try to determine what movie they are from.
Type in the blank next to the number and it will tell you true or false.
Let me know how many you get!

Download file

Ain't That The Truth

The Long-Awaited Primaries

Well they're finally here. After endless campaigning and media hoop-la, the primaries are just a day away. I've been watching the candidates and weighing my decision carefully for months now, but finally as the shoe drops I find myself at a loss. I feel discouraged and my little political efficacy meter is running a tad low.

In the first place, ever since the 2000 presidential election I've lost all confidence in the popular vote. It just doesn't matter. No matter how people justify the electoral college, guarding against tyranny of the masses bullshit...I can't get past this feeling that people just don't go out and vote, and even when they do their vote doesn't count (not to mention that some people's votes don't even get counted!).

Furthermore, even should I regain some level of confidence in the system, I still am having trouble picking out a palatable candidate. Should I vote for the ones I like or should I vote for the ones who I think will have the strongest following in defeating Bush? (Although the ones I like seem to be shooting themselves in the foot and bauching up their campaigns, so it looks like my decision there is made for me.) Should I vote for the ones who I think have a strong domestic program, even though I don't see them as being capable of making a stand in the international forum? Even Clinton, who I thought was an excellent president in getting our country where it needed to be domestically (aside from his personal screw-ups), was complete crap in foreign affairs. Our country is in the gutter royally both domestically and internationally. I want a candidate who shows promise in fixing both (Though pretty much anyone is better than Bush at this point...with the possible exception of Buchanan--and I say possible because at least he's upfront and honest about being a fascist freak.). How do I settle and put up support for someone in whom I have absolutely no confidence?

It makes me almost not want to vote. I've always argued that if you don't vote you don't deserve to complain about what you get. But how can you vote for something you don't really want anyway? How is that voicing your opinion?

**These views are solely the views of the author and are not intended to offend, persuade, cajole or otherwise piss off potential readers. And if they do piss you off, well bugger off. Arguments are certainly welcome but please keep the bashing to a minimum. Cheers!

Holy Crap I Got In!...I Think.

After months and months of fretting I have finally received notification. I got in to the Graduate Division of Political Science at UC Santa Barbara!! I'm so happy, so excited! Then I start reading the letter..."Final/Official Arizona State University transcript and BA degree posted." Quoi?! ...I didn't go to Arizona State University.
So I called the Graduate Division. Apparently they made a mistake and the letter I got was supposed to go to somebody else. They hadn't even started my notification yet. (Commence huge panicky feelings and inability to breathe...) BUT she said, "I can tell you that you did get accepted and I'll be sending you your letter sometime around the end of next week." (Whoosh....I can breathe again. Blood resumes circulation in my brain.)
So I did get in. But, I'm all neurotic now (or at least, even more so than I already was), and still won't breathe easily until I get my official acceptance letter, with correct transcript info, et al.

Italian Coffee Is A Sin Worth Purgatory

I was reading the French newspaper online www.lemonde.fr when I came across an article talking about Google's pornographic counterpart: Booble.

It works just the same as Google, except it's 100% porn. Aaahh...yet another distraction for all of us bored at work peoples. Look out for Retro Raunch. I came across it...porn vintage style.

More Entries

With One Foot On The Platform And The Other On The Train - April 30, 2004
Ladies of Days Gone By - April 13, 2004
Road Rage - April 12, 2004
An Oxy*moron* - April 05, 2004
Eternal Sunshine of the Liberated Mind - March 31, 2004
Attention Movie Buffs! - March 18, 2004
Ain't That The Truth - March 05, 2004
The Long-Awaited Primaries - March 01, 2004
Holy Crap I Got In!...I Think. - February 19, 2004
Italian Coffee Is A Sin Worth Purgatory - February 03, 2004
My Little Rascal - January 27, 2004
Things I *Love* About My Job - January 22, 2004
I Need A Vacation - January 05, 2004
Well If That Doesn't Just Oodle My Caboodle - December 17, 2003
Snowglobe - December 17, 2003
X-Mas Party Photos - December 08, 2003
Me Feets Are Itching, My Precious - December 03, 2003
Bush Declares Peace In The Middle East - December 01, 2003
From A Marine - November 20, 2003
Dear Diary - November 17, 2003
Why do men die first? - November 12, 2003
Acceptable Excuses - November 12, 2003
Hippie Me At Halloween - November 03, 2003
Frizzy Kitty - October 17, 2003
Michael Moore on Gen. Wesley Clark - September 18, 2003
Scrambled Eggs - September 17, 2003
Time Will Tell... - August 26, 2003
A Gemini and a Chameleon - August 20, 2003
A Letter To An Old Friend - August 06, 2003
A Kitty For Me! - July 28, 2003
Here Kitty, Kitty - July 24, 2003
Some Thoughts on North Korea - July 22, 2003
All The Beautiful (Wo)men - July 10, 2003
Weapons of Mass Destruction - July 10, 2003
Battle Of The Sexes - July 01, 2003
The Ultimate Kids Expo - June 24, 2003
Who's Finished Harry Potter Book 5? - June 23, 2003
How Is This Possible? - June 09, 2003
Person Gone Missing - June 05, 2003
I Am So Friggin Bored. - May 28, 2003
I Finally Have A Roommate - May 28, 2003
Personalize Your Balls! - May 22, 2003
Glutton For Punishment - May 15, 2003
Dawson's Creek!! - May 14, 2003
6 Reasons To Love South Africa - May 07, 2003
Hell Is Over! - May 06, 2003
Working Long Hours - May 01, 2003
Ohmigod, it's 9:30! - April 29, 2003
Raunchiness From A Coworker - April 16, 2003
Single White Female - April 15, 2003
Easter Bunnies - April 09, 2003
More Bush-isms - April 07, 2003
No Vicoden For Me - April 05, 2003
For Your Enjoyment... - April 02, 2003
I'm Sweet & Beautiful! - April 02, 2003
Burn Blue - March 31, 2003
Confessions of A Political Mind - March 31, 2003
Off Topic - March 27, 2003
A Word From Our Troops - March 21, 2003
Fighting The War - March 20, 2003
Someone In My Office Has A Wicked Sense of Humor - March 13, 2003
Hit By The Plague - March 10, 2003
Hum. Ho, Hum... - March 06, 2003
St. Patricks Day!! - March 06, 2003
The Wonderful World of Vonnegut - March 03, 2003
Midnight Violation - March 03, 2003
News From Above - February 27, 2003
Secret Addictions - February 25, 2003
RECKLESS ADMINISTRATION MAY REAP DISASTROUS CONSEQUENCES - February 21, 2003
Good Luck To Nuala! - February 21, 2003
Some Minor Changes - February 19, 2003
Beans About Coffee - February 14, 2003
Want To Work For This Company? - February 13, 2003
Bastard Slacker Clients - February 13, 2003
Drunk Girl, Invisible Doors... - February 11, 2003
Leaping Lobsters - February 10, 2003
Show Me The Money! - February 07, 2003
YAY A Site For Me - February 05, 2003